Hey, guess what? I'm cleaning! Even though it's a freaking fantastically beautiful (albeit WINDY) day, I'm sitting inside and doing chores. What fun. Actually though, we spent the entire day out side yesterday at the Renaissance Festival. That was very cool. I got TONS of great pictures, which I will upload to photobucket soon, and we had a really good time watching jousting and shows and such. And eating of course. Ty had chicken strips and fries (Which, I'm sure, they ate all the time in the days of yore right?) while I had fish and chips. It was actually quite tasty for fair food. I wanted to buy some cool craft type things but we don't have any $$. As it was we had to pay 20 bucks to get in. But we subscribed to the newspaper and they gave us 10 dollars, so that was cool. But anyway, we had taken 20 bucks with us and I didn't want to spend more than that. So I bought a little copper butterfly ornament to put in my planter box and then a pretty crystal on a string. But there was a lot of really neat stuff I would have liked, if I coul afford it. They had these great garden sculpture things. And I always want to buy clothes there, but I know I would never realy wear them. Although some fairy wings would be fun to have, just for the heck of it. But anyway, Ty had a really fun time playing with balls. Hee hee, balls. You know those cool glass ones that people roll on their fingers? ( like David Bowie did in Labrynth??) Yeah there was a guy teaching how to do that so Ty was playing with balls!! I got to help a magician with his tricks, but I wans't very goo at it. And there was a giant rocking horse, and of course, we watched the jousting. They had real (fake) blood and everything, very dramatic. We got to root for the evil French guy, who lost of course to the English guy, but fun all the same.
Anyway, so now we are trying to straighten up our house and finish unpacking a lot of tuff that has gotten left over the past few weeks. Not so much fun, but it needs to get done. So I am off to get back to work. Will chck in again later!!

No, not that kind of help!! (although I probably do need it!) No, I need everyone's opinion on the following pictures for a possible photo contest I am thinking about entering. It's a food photo contest. Duh! These are the ones I think are somewhat acceptable, so I wanted to see what other people thought. Just tell me which one(s) you think are the best! Thanks!!! ( And don't worry, you can be honest, if they all suck, I need to know!)



Ok this one is great compositionally but it's ever so slightly out of focus but I wanted to see if anyone thinks that matters. I do, but maybe I'm wrong.


This one is ok, but not exceptionally great I don't think


This one is MY favorite but I still don't think it's terribly exciting.


I think this is the contender, what do you think?

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Well that pretty much says it all. It was a very LOOONG Week, but not too bad. Except for all the tension and drama at work. And I am officially in love with Brandon Routh. Although I don't know if it's him, so much as the character, but either way, I want to be lois lane and fly away with him. mmm. . . .Yeah went to see Superman at 10pm tuesday then promptly went to bed at 9 pm Wedensday hving gotten hardly any sleep the night before because, yeah, well, I couldn't put my mind to rest, lets just leave it at that. Got a nice present from Adreine for my birthday, some beautiful jewelry from the limite. Also got a $50 gift card to a salon from Jennie, so I am going ot get my hair done probably although I am torn between that and a massagee. Not doing anything cool for the fourth, as per usual. Probably spend it alone with ty. At least I get the day off. Well I am on a break from my cleaning binge as my hosue is too filthy for words. Going to go finish it up now. Will write more later.

This. Is. The. Coolest. Thing. EVER!


From the wedding. . . .



So cute!



Where is her head??


Me & A


S & A



CW


With the family. . . .








Everyone









Me and my friend from Greensboro. . . .



Some things you can't explain


Picachu


The "senior portrait pose"


My senior portrait


Me violating a tree


The "national geographic" pose


More national geographic poses


But she can't keep a straight face!

I am having WAAAAAAAY too much fun with my new camera!!! Hope you enjoy!!

Pictures! Yay! Enjoy!

at the farmers market

Wow, so already this year is off to a whirlwind start. I feel like new years was yesterday, but whatever. So, I know nepotism is supposed to be bad but I'm going to cheer for it as it applies to my life because it means I might have a job!! It turns out that the woman I babysit for also needs an assistant in her real estate office and she was wondering if I would be interested. It would pay well and I would eventually work 40 hours a week and still be able to babysit as well, so I think it will be an excellent situation for both of us really. I am taking my resume tomorrow so she can share it with the other people she works with and we'll see what happens. So, yay! I guess. I mean, I am excited to be doing anything, with cleveland cutting my hours and all. And this is a job in a real office where I will get to help them layout ads and write newsletters and such. She said she thinks I'll be really good at it and it sounds like something fun to do. At least to do for the next 10 months until I can move the heck out of this state! But that's a whole other issue. So I am going to run because I am tired and don't feel like writing but I wanted to share my progress. woopie!

Oooh what is wrong with me?? I am so freaking tired and yet I am, what? hesitant, afraid, I don't know, but I don't want to go to bed. Why? I am so confused. So, to kill time (such an unkind thing) I was reading some of my older posts and you know what? I think I've figured out why no one comments on my posts anymore. because when I first started writing I actually was somewhat happy and I had a lot to talk about and my posts were actually interesting and somewhat amusing. Now, they are never very long and they are only ever full of me complaining about my sucky life. Well I don't know what good that news does anyone but it made me feel even worse. Like I feel guilty for not writing much in my live journal. Why? No one really cares whether I write in it or not and do I really want it documented for all of history (and the internet?) the deep inner workings of my first moments of personal failure? because that's what this is, this last 9 montsh that I've been working in a Deli and not doing anything productive with my life. It's failure. For me, anyway. I can't land a real, decent paying job and I probably can't even keep my one non-decent paying job. That's right. I'm probably going to lose my job. My boss hasn't said as much but he keeps hinting that we need to talk and yesterday I didn't even go to work. He told me to stay home. It's not my fault, it's just that the deli isn't making any money. So I was feeling really depressed about that yesterday and feeling lousy about having to apply for jobs at the friendly center (although I studiously avoided bath and body works) and I realized that I have been unhappy for the better part of the last few years. I wish I was exaggerating but I dont' think I am really. It's been almost three years since I graduated college. I was always happy in college. I mean, sometimes I didn't think I was but I know now that I really was. I was satisfied with my life. even if it wasn't perfect, then at least I was confident that it would all change with graduation. Then graduation came and I was pretty unhappy because getting a job didn't happen as fast as I thought it would. And then things just kept going wrong from there. I think the last year of unemployment has also been the process of me admitting to myself that I have gotten lost somewhere along the way and things are not going according to the loosely formed plan I always had in my head. I mean, I can put down each time I know i was really happy: for the month or so that I had lived in NC until I had a little talk with Shana. After that there were varying degrees of misery but it was generally an unhappy time. Ty moved out and my job situation went downhill from about the six month mark. Once I quit my job and Ty moved back in with me, I was really happy. I thought things were finally on their way out here. I was with Ty, I had good friends, it all seemed to be working. Then my friends turned their backs on me and I realized that I was never going to get another job. So, there was a, what, three month period there where I was really pleased with things. but, since then, and it's been about 6 months now, I 've been in a steadily declining cycle of unhappiness. I'm almost back to the way it was at the newspaper when I would cry over nothing, just because of how things are. I have a constant aching pain in my chest, this sadness of feeling like I am in no way useful to anyone. (And, I know i'm being overdramatic and selfish, but it's how I feel) Well, so the realization of this makes me feel not so much better. What am I going to do?? I am out of ideas. But I am going to go now because ty is yelling about my typing (apparently I type "loudly") and this is about all the honesty I can handle for tonight. I think that's another thing, i haven't written in my journal because I'm not dealing with my feelings an I don't have the energy to sit and actually think about it all enough to write here. So this, in itselt I guess is an accomplishment. complete with spelling errors and rife with grammar mistakes. Lauren, eat your heart out. :o)

Ok, so I know 26 isn't that old really. I mean, at least I'm not thirty. But, I felt really bad last night when we went to Denny's and ty ordered a breakfast sandwhich that we didn't see on the menu. The waitress went to check and see if they still made it. When she came back we were informed that that sandwhich hadn't been on the menu in 6 years. Now really. Before we moved to NC, which was only 2.5 years ago, we frequented Denny's quite often and I think I would have remembered the sandwhich being removed from the menu since it is what Ty always ordered. So maybe it's a NC thing, but it still felt bad to think we are getting that fucking old.
ANyway, last night was great, not really but I'll pretend. I wanted to get drunk so I did by myself and watched a new Margaret Cho dvd. It was awesome. I love that girl. She inspires me. I wish someone would pay me to say all the shit that I talk all the time. I'd be a rich woman. It was actually kind of fun but I wish that someone was there with me cause I hate drinking alone. But I did anyway and thus begins my downfall I guess. Not sure what I will do today. I have to take the dvd's back to blockbuster at noon, but since there's no late fees my desire to take them back on time is somewhat lacking. I figure as long as they get there today they'll be ok. I have the next 3 days off of work and literally nothing to do except I need to go to the store and buy coffee. I did my laundry last night and the only part of the house that needs cleaning is hte bathroom and I plan to make ty do that. I think I want to scrapbook but I need a table or something. Maybe I'll go find a cheap table at a thrift store or something. That would be pretty sweet. But I don't know where any thrift stores are.
Well the only really sucky thing about drinking alot is that the next day you have to go to the bathroom like every 10 minutes. So I need to wrap this up cause it's about time again. Yuck. No hangover but this is almost as annoying. Ok then for now by bye.

Fuck I fucking hate everything. I just had this long ranty entry and I fucking lsot it somehow. Godamn stupid live journal being stupid on top of everything stupid else. Fuck. Suffice to say that I am not happy. All alone, bored and sad. This sucks.

Well I am a little slow but oh well. Just haven't felt like writing much. I had a really bad week last week. I was just moody and generally unhappy. I mean, more so than usual even for me. We spent a quiet/boring new years eve watching the 40 year old virgin (funniest movie ever!) and going to bed precicely at midnight. I don't feel too bad about it really. I was just not in the mood to celebrate really. Am still not either. This week is not so bad but I'm just pretty low right now. Half has to do with the weather but I am just bummed out about my whole situation. I have been taking applications about this week to places so I am hoping to find something soon. But they are to crappy service jobs where I will make 7 bucks an hour. Which I make now, but I am hoping to find such a job that can provide more than 12 hours a week. I am also sad about the thing that happened to those miners in west virginia. It makes me sad that this sort of thing happens in the united states and that the media sucks so hard at reporting it. I mean, those people died in an accident that shouldn't have happened because from what I can tell, this mine should have been closed down for all its safety violations. Yet it remained in operation. And do any of the news orginazations talk about that? where is the public outrage that this happened?? I mean it's all very sad but it's also a huge statement about the quality of working conditions for appalachian coal miners isn't it?? So, not only is the media not taking the opportunity to do its job and make this an issue, but it totally screws up the reporting of hte actual event by saying hte people where alive when they were in fact dead. that is so fucked up. I think maybe if you are reporting on whether someone is alive or dead,, you would want to make damn sure before you made any reports about it. But no. I actually heard reports yesterday that said "we haven't confirmed this yet but. . . ." and you know the rest. Fucking retards. So anyway. I am done ranting about that.
I have another topic too: I never make new years resolutions because I never have anything to resolve, but this year I thought I would. They are as follows:
1. Get a job and start paying off some of my ridiculous credit card debt
2. (is tied to #1) Stop buying shit I don't need, including but not limited to: clothes, shoes, handbags, bath accessories, dvds, cds, cat toys, candles, decorations, and cooking utensils.
3. Go an entire calendar year without a car accident.
4. Lose 30 pounds and feel good in a bathing suit for the first time in my life
5. (tied to #4) Stay clear of all fast food/and or junk food including the following: pizza, burgers, french fries, ice cream, and anything sold at wendys, burger king, mcdonalds, hardees, KFC, and arbys.
6. Find at least 1 new friend in NC as soon as possible
7. If fail at #6 give up immediatly and move back to california.

I doubt if I'll accomplish even one of these things but at least it is good to have goals in life. Sets up pretense that all is no useless drivel and there is no point to life.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Quit my first "real" job and got a job working in a deli.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make any new years resolutions

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friend Jeni had her second baby boy and my friend Amanda had her second baby girl. Probably other people had babies that I don't know about

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My parent's dog died, which was very sad cause they had her a long time. I was there for it, which was kinda good and kinda not good. In all, glad I could be there for my family though. Not a person, per se, but what I had thought was a very strong friendship came to an abrupt end, which felt almost like a death and was very hard for me.

5. What countries did you visit?
None, sadly

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
A good paying job that makes me happy and friends in North Carolina

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The last week in April cause that is when I left the Alamance News, May 2nd because that is when I started my deli job, July 16 because that is the day Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came out and the last time I was on good terms with my aformentioned departed friend, October 28th the day we got the keys to our house, and December 2 cause Charlie finally visited me!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Probably quitting the Alamance News. Although, I did win two national newspaper awards, and moved into a house.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to find a suitable replacement job for the A. News.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
In February I caught a nasty flu that put me out of commission for about a week, and then in September I hurt my back pretty badly.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my plane ticket home in August

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ty was pretty awesome through some really rough spots this year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Shana, and my old friend Vicki. Also, most members of the whitehouse and the media.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, and more bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving into a house after two years of living in apartments, also the release of the new harry potter book and harry potter movie

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Damn I can't think of any songs now. Probably Green Day even though the CD came out in 2004

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:happier or sadder
Unfortunatly Sadder. Things just haven't turned out the way I thought. . .

ii. thinner or fatter?
Thinner

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging out with friends, visiting California, visiting North Carolina

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Spending money on crap I don't need

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Alone with my husband

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Not really. Unless you count A Southern Season, the BEST store ever!!

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Simpsons, Family Guy, and (even though it's over now really) ,Sex and the City

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't know, hate is such a strong word. I definitly despise a few more people though.

26. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I had any

28. What did you want and get?
To go home for a long while and visit with friends

29. What did you want and not get?
More friends in NC and a job.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Star Wars Revenge of the Sith

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Oh god. I turned 26 this year and celebrated by drinking nine margaritas, giving my waiter a $20 tip and passing out on my bathroom floor. Fun times.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not spending the first four months miserable at a terrible job, and moving back to California.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
I was having fun with the whole boho look this fall, and I had a very colorful wardrobe for the summer. In all, I'd say I branched out a lot with my fashion this year.

34. What kept you sane?
Drinking. A lot.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jude Law, Christian Bale, and that kid who played Cedric Diggory

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The bullshit with Carl Rove outing the CIA agent, the president's insistence that we "must achieve victory in Iraq" and the terrible tragedy that was the handling of hurricane Katrian victims.


37. Who did you miss?
My mom, dad, ben, abby, charlie, lauren, jay, shana (even though she is evil), chris, all my other friends in california, and Camilla, my one awesome NC friend who moved back to Mississippi with her stupid husband.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Camilla, although we met in 04 technically, and my new friend Christy who is a blessing. Oh, also, my boss at the deli, cleveland. He can be mean but I know he is a good person.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Ugh. I guess the hardest lesson I've learned is that even if you do everything right (IE: don't do drugs, get good grades in school, don't get pregnant, go to college, and work hard at everything you do) it doesn't mean you'll get a good paying job and be able to live happily ever after. son of a bitch.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"To live and not to breathe Is to die In tragedy To run, to run away To find what you believe And I leave behind This hurricane of fucking lies I lost my faith to this This town that don't exist" Green Day Jesus of Suburbia

I just realized I've only written once this month. I guess that says something about the amount of noteworthy things going on in my life lately. Really though. THere is nothing of importance happening to me other than the fact that nothing is happening. But whatever. I don't really care anymore. (not true, but I don't feel like talking about it.) Can't believe Christmas is almost here. Have all the shopping done. spent too much money and feel like got nothing of value or consequence. Oh well. I am very excited ,however, about the prospect of Camilla. She should be here by week's end and we intend to spend much time eating at yummy places and to quote her "getting our shop on." Yay for after Christmas sales. I just gave ty his christmas present, starwars battlefront II for Xbox. I wanted him to have it now cause I know how excited he is about playing it. I wonder what he got me. He usually does pretty good, but I want to go ahead and wait till Sunday, but that is cool thing about being grown up that can open presents whenever you want rather than wait till randomly assigned day of Christmas to open. Anyway. Still looking for a job but loosing hope of ever finding one. Will go apply to work at wendy's soon if nothing happens. shamefull really. Other than that things are ok. Ty is working at Best Buy and earning extra money. We are going to buy a digital camera s that I can put my stuff online and hoepfully start selling photographs. He even got me a 30 day trial of photoshop so I can pring out fliers and stuff. So i've been keeping busy with that. Helps to feel like I might be doing dsomething that may someday lead to me earning a living with my college degree. he actually isn't working at best buy so much anymore which is also good because3 now we get to spend evenings together, which we hadn't been doing for about the last two months. It turns out that since he's a truck driver he can't legally work more than 12 hours a day or 60 hours per week. so he had to cut back at best buy and just work on the weekends. Well he's starting his game so i am going ot go see what all the fuss is about. I think I've rambled on here long enough.

Uhg. I feel like an idiot. I spent a majority of my weekend shopping for various christmas gifts. I braved three malls and I don't know how many hours to buy a total of eight gifts. And I realize now that all except two of the stores that I shopped at have online shopping available. I could have probably saved myself a lot of trouble and a trip to the post office. The problem is that I had all these lofty intentions of trying to find gifts at a local craft fair or the like. Unfortunatly, most of those types of things have already taken place and also, I was able to get some really nice gifts at good prices and didn't want to pass them up only to find that everything costs more at said craft fairs. Oh well. At least it's done and now I can put this shit in the mail. We still need to get stuff for ty's brother and sister but I refuse to buy that for him. He can at least come with me while we try to decide what to get them. Anyway. I will be glad when it's all over. Life is same as ever here. Cold as fuck. Been hanging out with Christy. we went out Saturday night. It was really fun. We just went ot a few different bars and got really drunk, but I had a good time. Oh and we ent ot dinner at this ymmy greek restaurant. mmm. . . baklava. my favorite. I was going to babysit this weekend but it turns out that the family basically can't afford it so I am not so that means less money. Sucky. Nothing's changed. Don't know what we're doing for christmas if anything. Feeling pretty low about the whole situation and trying not to get too depressed about itall. Well I am going to go before I start ranting about all the other shit on my mind.

I. got. in. ANOTHER. fucking. accident. FUCK. am going to start walking or taking bus. but. are. no. buses. in. GSO. Son of a bitch. Hate everything.

FINALLY. It's really sad to get so excited about such a small and probably insignifigant thing, but I have had absolutly no success whatsoever in the job searching realm that a phone call is really an tremendous accomplishment if you think about it. That's right. A phone call! I got a call from the publishing company that I submitted my resume to last week. Of course, before i have an actual interview I have to do a copy editing test (the job is for copy editor) then pass a personality profile and a mental assessment. Then if I do well in all of those, I can have an interview. whew. But whatever. At this point I am willing to jump through as many hoops as I have to in order to get a decent job.
So that was my exciting news for the day. I 've got my christmas tree up and spent this morning decorating the house. It is all very cozy but I am still not feeling the holiday cheer too much. Charlie is coming this weekend so I am very excited about that. I hope we have fun. I don't know what exactly we are going to do but I think we'll just chill mainly because she is flying such a long way already and we don't have much time. There is this killer cheesecake place in town that I want to take her to though. We haven't gone there since the summer but it was so yummy. In fact, I don't know why we don't go there more often. And of course, I want to go see harry potter gain. was gonig to go see it with ty this weekend then David ( he is the dad of hte kids I sit for) called and said would I baby sit saturday night. I did, but I didn't get paid as they had already paid me 100 bucks for one day of work last week and were going to pay me less for this week. So now we are even, April (the mom) said which is fine but I had sort of thought I would get extra money out of it and I didn't. Oh well.
I am very sleepy so I think I am going to lay on the couch and watch family guy till ty comes home. till next time then.

I hope everyone has had a happy thanksgiving. Mine was very nice. I cooked all day, then Ty and I ate our dinner while listening to christmas music on the radio. It was all so quaint. Except for the cats who forgot that they were cats and acted like dogs, crying at our feet and dancing around the table begging to be fed. I put up some christmas lights but that's about all I've been able to manage in the way of christmas spirit, so far. I am just not into the holiday this year. Not feeling it all. I have no money to buy anyone presents .The only thing I really want for christmas is to be able to go home and be with my family. and that's pretty much not happening because we can't afford it. So, there you have it. I have no one here to celebrate with so what the fuck am I to get all worked up about?? Still "real" jobless, broke, friendless, and basically wondering where I went so terribly wrong in my life. Hmm. some year huh.

Ok, well the real reason I wanted to write was not to whine about my sucky life but to complain about something else. I don't know if I'm being a total bitch or not. I don't think so. But I am really fed up with my bosses policy on tips. Basically, the policy is that I don't get any. No one else is subject to this policy that I"m aware of. The result being that I work 12 hours a week for 84 bucks and the two waitreses who come in on Friday and Saturday work two fucking days, about a total of 8 hours, and wind up making twice what I make because they get tips on top of their pay. Now, I just don't think that's fair. Even worse, on the days when I work and there aren't any waitresses, Cleveland, aka Mr. Crab, takes the tips and puts them in the register!! So, I feel like I am getting screwed here. Am I wrong. I think that since i pretty much make 90 percent of the food singlehandedly every day, and wind up taking orders and delivering food to the tables most days, that I should be able to get some tips too! Normally, it's not a lot of money, maybe 10 or 12 bucks, but that's still lunch or gas. but the past two saturday's i've worked I know there's been at least 30 dollars in tips that he's taken. Now, that's a whole day's worth of work for me. I could use and extra 50 or 60 dollars that would accumulate over a few days. So what the fuck is this bull shit about??

Now, I know I really should care because this isn't supposed to be a serious job, and maybe that's what he's thinking I don't know. But the fact is that this remains my main source of income right now. So any extra dollars I could be getting, I fucking need. Oh well. That was just realy on my nerves today because I know the waitresses probably got at least 40 a peice in tips and I got shit. and it pisses me off. I am going ot go now and bang my head againts the wall till I bleed or pass out. whichever comes first.

whats up? Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire rocked my world this weekend. I hope I can go see it again on thursday. Thangsgiving. I have nothing else to do. no one invited me to anything. A sad reminder of the fact that I live a world away from everyone I like and that there are no friends here. But what the fuck. Harry potter was fucking awesome. I loved the movie so much. I was crying and lauging my ass off the whole time. I went (by myself) Friday after I ditched the kids. Spent the weekend not dooing anything. I still haven't finished unpacking but I'm so fucking lazy/depressed that I just lay around drinking wine and watching tv when I'm home. shit. I sent my resume to two places this week. This is promising as I hardly ever have anywhere to send my resume to. hope I get an interview at least. Would be fucking great to quit telling people I work in a freaking deli. Honestly though. I love working at the deli. I wish I made like 15 bucks an our so I could stay there. Cuz it's easy and relativly fun to do. Oh well. Nothing else new is going on. Just trying to get throug hthe holidays without wanting to kill msyelf. I am mamking a turkey for me and ty. 12 punds of turkey. I hope we can eat it all. I fancy myself a martha stewart type who can make all this delicsous shit but there's no one to eat it with me. Oh well, fuck all. I don't fucking care. I am going to do something glamorous like to go new york for christmas or some shit like that maybe. Charlie's coming to visit me. yay! my first visitor in two years. woot. I am really excited though, about her coming. It will be very nice to have someone here to seem e . I need to pee. am going to finish up here since I haven't said antying coherent or intersting yet. I hope everyone has a great htanksgiving and eats tons of turnkey and all athat jazz. Love uya all@

I forgot that I haven't written since I moved. The move went ok, except for the fact that it cost more than 600 dollars. I'm officially broke and will likely remain in obscene debt for the rest of my life. Sigh. But none of the furniture got broken and the cats seem to be adjusting well. They love the fact that there are now several rooms for them to run around in, and many windows to look out. There's even a resident squirrel and chipmunk in our backyard, who endlessly entertain the cats too. I have not had time actually to do much unpacking, the result is that the house is a disaster mess and I can't find any of my clothes. I am hoping to tackle the rest of it this weekend but we'll see how that goes. In other news, I am also taking a photography class at the local community college. It's pretty much a review for me but it's still fun to actually have something to go to every week and interact with people other than: Ty, cleveland, D.J, and Asher, who are my primary human contacts every week. woo. I'm writing really quick before I head off to work again, so I better go change and get ready.

I'm going to do it anyway! I haven't written in a while because I am a lazy bastard and because I was out of town unexpectedly this weekend having a great time on someone else's dime! Ty told me Friday that I was to accompany him on a business trip to Asheville. His company put us up at the Grove Park Inn, a beautiful historic hotel, and paid for absolutly everything. This hotel was amazing. Everytime we called up to the desk for something, they would say "how may we help the boyle party today." We even got to order room service. It was all paid for! We took full advantage of the open bar at dinner on Saturday and Sunday night. The company threw a big party Saturday night with a band and everything. We felt so posh drinking free liquor and dancing with all these old people we didn't know. Then on Sunday they took us to tour the Biltmore mansion and the winery. If you don't know, the Biltmore mansion is where George Vanderbilt lived. He built the most ridiculously gignormous place I've ever seen. The house (just the house) has four acres, or 175,000 square feet of space! It was actually kind of creepy imagining being a child staying in that house. I hope they gave out maps to their guests. It was really a magnificent place but we only got about an hour and a half to tour it, which wasn't nearly enough time to see everything on the tour. But hopefully we'll go back someday. The thing is, it costs over 50 bucks just to get the tour and an audio guide, which is part of the reason we hadn't ever gone before. Well then it was on to more free liquor and wine and a fancy dinner on the Biltmore estate. Asheville was amazing, although I didn't get to see much of it actually because they kept us so busy. But i finally drove up the blue ridge parkway in autumn and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Really. it was breathtaking. I couldn't drive because I kept staring around. I'd drive a bit then pull over and marvel, then drive some more. And of course I took pictures which I need to go get developed soon. Alas then it was back to my boring life in Greensboro. Nothing else new is going on. I still need a job and am lonely as hell because I have no friends. Blah. Well I'm going to take a bath and go to bed then. Just wanted to share my bit of excitement with everyone.

Six days and counting till we move into our new house!! Well, it's not a new house. It's actually pretty old, like 60 years or something. But it's cute as hell and is for sure bigger than the craphole we currently call home. That crap hole is also currently wall-to-wall with boxes and we are about to procure some more from another craigslister. Wish I'd known about craigslist the 4,000 other times I moved. I am very excited about moving into the house namely because we can finally buy some more furniture. I've been keeping an eye out on craigslist for tables and chairs and such.

In other news, I've been very bummed lately about my status as the equivalent of spongebob squarepants in my version of the crabshack (cleveland is Mr. Crab.) I feel like I'll never get another real job, and found out just today that the job I applied for a couple weeks ago I didn't even get an interview for. What the fuck. I mean, I have a college degree from a reputable institution. I have good experience. Why can I not even get an interview somewhere. I talked to the father of the children I sit for and he said that he has a degree but once spent two years on unemployment. That does not make me feel much better. I mean, I'm glad it's not just me, but I don't think I can stand another year and a half of this. I may be forced to get a job at another retail establishment, which I really don't want to do.

The result of all this is that I am very moody, sad, and depressed a lot of hte time. I don't go out and do anything anymore. All I want ot do is come home and watch tv and sleep. And eat. I haven't been exercising and I'm gaining weight. So, I get more upset. The moving is the only thing I have to look forward to and then once we do, I'll be in the same situation in a different house. I don't know what to do next and I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. I know it's not all that dramatic but I really don't have any direction and I don't know what to do to get some. I keep telling myself something is coming my way, sooner or later I'll find something, but that doesn't seem to be happening and I'm running out of time.

Blah. It all doesn't help that winter is coming, which I hate, coupled with the fact that we are moving into a house with gas heat, thus I plan to actually freeze for the winter and return to normal life in the spring thaw. Seriously. We can't afford two or three hundred dollar heating bills. Even if I get a "real" job. (FYI: I've been working between 30-35 hours a week for the last month and a half and earning about 200-250 a week. I know it's not much but it does help us. but do I get any credit for that?? Of course not. )

Ok well enough bitching. I'm going to get dressed and ready to start packing my life away yet again.